I. From The Beginning: Topics we can all relate to

A. Friends

Now I know I'm probably not the most unique individual for being like this, and in fact I'm pretty sure this is how it is for most people anyway, but I always had just a few friends that I really acquainted myself with and then the rest were just sort of whatever. What I mean by sort of whatever, is that yea, sure it was fun and I would more times then not like hanging out with them or being in their company, but I wasn't going to go out of my way to be with them or get upset if I didn't see them. It is funny how the only friends I remember are one or two from preschool, although I don't remember their names or even what they looked like, just the situations we were in. Even more interesting is the sort of trend of average number of friends I had in my life.

The trend is definitely a parabola. A regular parabola. In my early years of school, from preschool to about 5th grade I would say, was the / part of the parabola. I had few friendships, and with each successive school year the number grew, but not as sharply as / I would say. It was more gradual then that but not by much. Then from 6th to about 10th grade I had many friendships, which was the peak or the – part of the parabola. From 10th grade onward was the decline, \ , having less number of friendships up until now, my senior year of college.

I believe, and remember this is all opinion, this is for the fact that the first part of the parabola is sort of the part of life where you are not really sure what friendships are yet and (like me) you were scared to meet those potential friends, especially the earlier you go back in school years. The peak of the parabola is what many people like to describe as the worst period of time in their life, being the middle school years. This is that awkward stage where you are transitioning from kid to teenager and teenager to young adult towards the high school years, and there is this social pressure to be popular or perceived as popular (the second applying to me really, much more on that later).

So that means one crucial thing happens: you know if everyone knows you and is friends with you that probably means you are liked and/or popular which gets you acceptance from everyone on a whole. Mission accomplished, well done, and you successfully avoided being thrown into the “being made fun of category” if you are able to acquire lots of friends during these schooling years. The last part of the parabola is where I believe there is a split between people like me and other people. In later stages high school, and through college, people either cut down their friendships to a small group that they hang out with and actually like, or they continue to try to get as many friendships as possible either because they are social fiends or they feel like they still need to do that to be accepted.

It is important to make sure there is the distinguishing factor here that you can have your core group of friends and still hang out with other people, but that core group is the only group your putting care and effort into, if your the first type of person. If your the second, there either is or isn't a core group that has care and effort put into it, but on top of that there is effort being put into all the casual friends as well. Personality has a lot to do with how it is determined whether a person is a type 1 or type 2 person.

What also might determine what type a person is is there life experiences as they are growing up, as well as self confidence or self esteem, but not always directly. What is interesting is that someone with low self-esteem might seek out just a few close friends because they don't think they would be accepted or understood by a larger group. On the other hand, someone with low self-esteem might worry that they are not significant or “worth it” unless a lot of people know them.

So who is to say which type of person is better in regards to the number of friends you have? Well, neither really once everything is considered. There are pros and cons to everyone situation in life no matter what it is, and this topic is no exception to the rule. Perhaps the best way to evaluate whether or not an individual is happy with their current friend situation, either being type 1 or type 2, is for them to ask themselves a simple question: When I am vulnerable, who do I want to depend on? Someone that just has a large collection of friends without any deeper connections being made within that collection may find themselves in a situation they were originally trying to avoid – being lonely. Sure you might know everyone on campus, at a bar you go to, at your workplace, etc., but when your dog dies, or when your girlfriend dumps you, or you need someone to talk to (really talk to), can you confide in [any of] them?

Perhaps that is what the type 2 kind of person prefers, though. Maybe they like the fact that they can tell people they don't know as well as a really good friend serious things. If you tell someone you barely know or kind of know something serious, they can't respond to you with stuff that you don't want to hear. Of course, they can't really respond to you with things that you need to hear either. Although, that is the type of thing a type 2 person could be perfectly fine about. They get something off their chest, and then it doesn't really develop from there on. In some ways, maybe they can begin to forget about it easier by talking about it once, and then leaving it at that.

I think we can all agree that whichever type of person you are, as long as you have friends in general you are in good shape. Having them is sort of like a basic requirement in life. Even if they are your own family members, as long as there is at least one or two. One could argue is it better to just have a few really close friends, or a lot of casual friends, but I'm not sure there is much argument for having friends or none at all. Friendship is sort of a multifaceted enigma of a force because it motivates us, it influences us, and it often times changes us. The limited responsibilities of friendship make it less daunting then a romantic relationship, and less serious, but none the less friendship somehow has the power to make us do so many things we would never do (usually) in front of complete strangers. We share our lives with people that at one time we used to not know at all, and our life experience is forever changed especially because of the ones that really make an impact. Friendship is often taken for granted, but when examining the concept with the right focus, it is possible to notice that there are very few things more important in this world.